So it’s been awhile, life is happening like it usually is for everyone. My optimism for keeping up with this blog has been lacking and in general I feel as though my motivation to do anything is lacking just the same.

I have been spending time with more friends and family and their significant others who spend quite a bit of time together. I also went to a friend’s wedding (more of a reception since they eloped), where I was able to see some old friends that I haven’t seen in awhile. One of them said to me that I spend too much time with my boyfriend so that is why they never see me, of which I responded that I maybe see my boyfriend 4-10 times a month (10 if I’m lucky). He then responded with the fact that he sees his significant other every weekend. That did not make me feel good in the least and I have been thinking about it ever since.

I am becoming so much more aware of the people in my life and how much time they spend with their loved ones. Like so aware that It’s consuming my day to day life. My boyfriend’s job requires him to live elsewhere when he is working and he chooses to do overtime quite a bit. That then leads me to think that he is choosing to not spend so much time with me. Side note: we are in a very committed relationship that has been going on for years like this and has yet to totally bother me up until now.

I want that glorious relationship where your significant other is actually home to spend time with you, eat dinner with you, go out on dates, and just be there. I’m lucky if I see him 2 times in a week and our schedules never seem to quite line up. I have this vision of eating breakfast in the morning and decompressing from our hectic days at night. Is that too much to ask for? Is my sudden awareness for lack of time in my relationship eating me away?

It’s these constant questions that take up my free time and run me down into a place that makes me jealous and quite frankly, lazy. It is making me not want to be around my friends who have significant others because they spend so much time together, and all I think about is the fact that I wish I had that much time too.

Every relationship is different, I get that, and I chose the one I am in. I love my other half and couldn’t imagine a life without him…I just wish I had more time to spend with just him.

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